Turkey vultures are vultures that have turkeys for mothers. They are around one fire hydrant tall and weigh about the size of a baby. Unlike babies, however, turkeys can be eaten by families unless it is a family in the religious political thriller, the Walking Dead. Turkey vultures do not gobble unless it leads to the digestion of corpses. Turkey vultures were created by vegans, though they didn’t have enough red meat in their brain cells to realize that turkeys are not vegan. This led to the vegan police arresting these scoundrels like they were ingesting gelato. Vegans decided to roam the earth after the Roman YouTube video went viral in 1521. The video challenged the world to retain from eating anything that is or comes from an animal. This later grew a new word into our society much like the offensive words that grew in America’s society after the African-Americans decided to immigrate. Turkey vultures have skinless faces, making them look like ram meat bought at a low-grade grocery store that hooker moms and other 82nd Street superstars traverse for dollar tree food and whatnot. Turkey vultures fly in ovals over dead carcasses, unlike the typical vulture’s ring. Turkey vultures went to see Rings in IMAX and they got triggered to the extent that they dare not even replicate the movie in an ariel pattern. They also do not answer the phone after watching cassette tapes or fly near wells. They also don’t answer the phones because not only can their corpsefiddler fingers not pick up said communication device, but they cannot speak English or any other telephone-affiliated language.