Monopoly

Monopoly is a cardboard square with pictures and words, much like a book. Unlike a book, Monopoly has a purpose. Monopoly is a family style board game that people use to convince their loved ones that they don’t love them anymore. They justify this removal of love with little plastic buildings that homeless Ugandans wish they could live in.  Monopoly gives players the power of corporate greed to make their friends into slum folk. Monopoly had more variants than American intercourse tools. Monopoly City, Mega, World, and the like. Their money is more colored than an equal rights protest group. Unfortunately, the American government is too boring to introduce the rest of the color spectrum into the currency mainstream. Canada, however, unwaded their financial undies and made blue money with hockey all over it. Monopoly was made by a pair of brothers closer together than a pair of breasts. They made this tragically satanic money laundering simulator in hopes to bring families closer together, along with the millions of dollars in sales. The only thing that was brought closer together was dad’s backhand to his family’s collective faces. When Monopoly Worlds, a board variant with locations across the globe, was released, Parker Brothers was hoping to end all the wars, but instead had families across the planet meet the back of their fathers’ hands too. Monopoly was created in 1935, back before color was on television or accepted in American culture. According to ancient legends, Monopoly players were the birthgivers to the first ever Salt, a chemical that enrages players in competitive environments. Since water conservation was a big thing to the hippies back in ‘35, hippies tied up angry players and monopoly boards and dumped them into the oceans and lakes throughout the world, creating salt water, a chemical no human would dare consume.

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