Vulture

Vultures are anti-eagles that fly over creatures that are Batman’s parents status. They feast on the carcasses of the once-alives and let other vultures aware of dinnertime with their aerial love circle dinner bell-esque demeanor. They have chicken heads and eagle bodies, much like George Washington rule #34 on beastiality fan-art websites. They are more…

Vampires

Vampires are humanoid registered necks offenders that make gothic girls emotionally erect. They live in the 1600’s, but televisions insist they still are in the modern age. With overrated mythical spectacles like Supernatural and the Vampire Diaries, the vampire name is taken lightly and is openly mocked by Hollywood and its contributing actors. Vampires were…

Ghosts

Ghosts are the main cause of childhood trouser soakings, right next to post-death bowel evacuation. Ghosts are transparent and float about haunting wrongdoers. They typically haunt thou who have ended the lives of their living vessels to the point of insanity or self destruction. Ghosts weigh about one oxygen. They cannot be touched due to…

Anubis

Anubises are Egyptian cat skeletons that carry pharos to their graves. Anubises were slaves to the African-American Egyptians, ironically. They are inhuman slaves, which means no Martin Luther King is gonna get a hairball over all of this free labor. They have built Pyramids and Illuminati Headquarters.. I MEAN.. Pyramids and full-biscotti headdresses. The pyramids…

Robot

Robots are humanborn lifeforms made out of metal, much like the shotgun Kurt Cobain used to put iron in his brain cells. Robots have a unique diversity, although this specific diversity did not lead to 400 years of captivity and enslavement. Robots were founded in 2005 after the Irish folklore indie film, Robots was released….

Frog

Frogs are sentient beings made out pf ectoplasm. Frogs croak. However, in this case, they don’t roll over into a casket. Frogs croaking is as unnecessary as John McCain’s breast implants. Croaking is a sound decible emitted by frogs to let predators know theres wet caviar in the area. Though frogs taste like a used…

Stuffle – With a Sweaty Taste of History

I know what you’re thinking. “Jerrell, you oven-tossed soda bottle! It’s not Friday yet, you post-happy environmentalist!” To that I say, it matters not, given we have recently discovered a new creature that must be discussed. Stuffle is a creature, or as Japan calls it a Pokemon, that lives in the Cult Classic video game,…

Monopoly

Monopoly is a cardboard square with pictures and words, much like a book. Unlike a book, Monopoly has a purpose. Monopoly is a family style board game that people use to convince their loved ones that they don’t love them anymore. They justify this removal of love with little plastic buildings that homeless Ugandans wish…

Palm Tree

Stop thinking about your negative comments, because I know exactly what you’re going to say. If you’re familiar with the site, you’ll leave something like “Jerrell, you Turkeshmenian meat dealer! Haven’t you already done Tree?” Yes, I have done tree, and this is a different kind of tree, so stop com-pine-ing. Palm trees are different…

Mannequin

Mannequins are lifeless human decoys designed by the Government to prevent job creation. Mannequins are ruled by the only living mannequin, a Slender mannequin named Slenderman. Oh, now I get it! Mannequins have prevented about 176,000,000 awful jobs from being made to pay disgusting humans to help them deal with absurd financial anomalies like “mortgages”…

Call of Duty Gaming Community

There are many types of game-enveloped individuals; the Calm and enjoyable Pokemon community, the fun-loving, creative Dark Souls community, the satanic, incomprehensible Super Monkey Ball community. But there is one franchise of gaming that has birthed a swollen spawn from the earthy uterus of broken humanity. The Call of Duty gaming community. This community has…

Squirrel

Squirrels are tree testicle harvesters that climb about in those they have castrated. Squirrels are the size of a stapler in an underfunded school that use them to staple detached limbs onto students, due to the lack of a landmine removal fund. Squirrels have tails that Bob Ross plucks off of the hind quarters of…